Navigating grief as a couple after the loss of a child

You are not alone. And love - though different now, can still hold you both.

There is no pain that compares to losing a child. It shakes the very ground beneath you. The life you imagined, the love you gave, the future you held—all of it altered in an instant. For couples, this grief doesn’t just affect each individual—it affects the relationship, too.

You’re grieving the same loss, but not always in the same way. And in the midst of heartbreak, the connection that once felt so strong can begin to feel fragile. But with patience, compassion, and time, many couples find their way through. They don’t “move on”—they move with their grief, together.

1. Understand That You’ll Grieve Differently

Grief is deeply personal. Even though you’ve lost the same child, your experiences of that loss may look completely different.

One of you may want to talk constantly; the other may need silence.
One may cry openly; the other may grieve internally.
One may want to keep everything as it was; the other may need change to cope.

These differences can feel frustrating, even alienating—but they are normal. The key is recognising that there’s no “right way” to grieve. Giving each other space to feel, express, or retreat as needed is one of the greatest acts of love in this painful season.

2. Keep the Lines of Communication Open

After a loss, silence can feel safer than speaking. You might be afraid of saying the wrong thing or triggering more pain. But over time, silence can build walls. You don’t need to have deep conversations every day—but even small moments of honest connection matter.

“I’m hurting today. How are you doing?”
“I miss them so much. Do you want to talk about a memory?”
“I don’t know what to say right now, but I’m here.”

Even simply sitting together in shared silence, holding hands, can speak volumes.

3. Create Space for Individual Healing

Grief demands both shared and solo work. Give each other permission to process independently:

• Journaling

• Grief counselling

• Support groups

• Time outdoors or with trusted friends

It’s okay to heal at your own pace, and in your own way. Don’t interpret withdrawal as disconnection—it may be a way of coping. The goal is to return to one another, again and again, even if the journey there looks different for each of you.

4. Don’t Rush “Getting Back to Normal”

Grief changes the landscape of your life. Trying to go back to how things were before the loss can feel unnatural or even impossible. Allow your relationship to evolve instead of forcing it to return to its old shape.

• Redefine intimacy—it may look like emotional vulnerability before physical closeness.

• Lower expectations around household responsibilities or social obligations.

• Be patient with moods, anniversaries, and “grief triggers.”

You’re learning to live in a new reality, not pretending the old one never changed.

5. Find Ways to Honour Your Child Together

Remembering your child can become a way to stay connected—not just to them, but to each other. Some ideas:

• Light a candle on birthdays or milestones

• Create a memory box or scrapbook together

• Plant a tree or dedicate a space in their honour

• Write letters to your child, and share them when you feel ready

Honouring their life, no matter how brief, gives grief meaning—and gives your love a place to land.

6. Seek Professional Support Together

There’s no shame in needing help. A trained grief counsellor or couples therapist can provide a safe space to express what you may not be able to say at home. Therapy isn’t about “fixing” the pain—it’s about surviving it, side by side.

You may also consider attending a bereaved parents’ support group together. Hearing “me too” from others walking this same road can be deeply healing.

A Final Word: Love Can Survive This

Grief can test your relationship in ways you never imagined. But it can also uncover new depths of tenderness, understanding, and resilience. You’ve loved your child with everything in you. Now, your relationship needs love, too.

It may not be linear. There will be hard days, maybe even hopeless ones. But with care, communication, and commitment to each other, your relationship can survive this loss—and eventually, begin to grow around it.

If you're navigating loss as a couple, CHR Therapy is here to walk beside you.
Book a session today and take one gentle step forward - together.